Gender Support I'm working on some ideas I might turn into something else.  This is where I'm thinking out loud about these ideas. 

Totally disorganized and just a series of notes with no story or structure.  So totally just a scratch pad now..but...more later... Writers are never

suppossed to show this kind of primitive note taking but I need comments on the subject and I know you have some....   Comments welcome babettezz@yahoo.com  Thankyou

March 1st 2019:

In case you didn't notice many of us are on the "gender spectrum" which means (for us born male) many of us have female aspects and yearnings.  Of course there are those born female with male yearnings but for now this is just about MTF folks as this is all I know.

Whether you occasionally put on pantyhose and stop there or are going full on girly girl with hormones and possibly surgery we all share one thing.  We have feminine longings. 

Some of us don't have any apparent personal feminine longing for ourselves but are big fans/admireres of those of us who do.  Which brings us to the elephant in the room, sex.

Since I'm focusing on those of us born male it goes without saying that we have crazy sex drives that, (when it comes to gender), can be both exciting and confusing.  Of course genetic females have sex drives as well but it's more like a well regulated country stream instead of Niagra Falls.  Genetic males find sex everywhere and it's not surprising that they find it in and around trans gender activities.

But gender at its core is not sex.  Sex is sex and gender is gender.  Gender is a feeling of who or what part (or all) of us is and is regulated in higher functioning parts of the brain.  Sex is a feeling also but a much different feeling regulated in, shall we say, simpler parts of the brain.-

What I'm trying to say is many of us feel strongly that we are female in part or whole and much of that feeling is non sexual.

So now I'll stop "trying" to say it and actually say it, "some of us want to be girls and live or do all the things that girls find interesting and natural". 

While bondage has some non sexual gender appeal, hundreds of folks have paid to watch trans people in and around bondage because of it's inherent sexiness. So yes, I sell bondage videos to people primarily interested in sex but I'd like also to support their purely feminine needs as well.

Chapter One (But I'm straight and I need a woman in my life)

One of the biggest support needs I see are the trans folks who want a straight relationship with  a biological female.  Footnote: I know there are fancy new terms to designate all of these flavers of trans, gay, straight etc but for now I'll stick to simpler more straight forward meanings. I'm in favor of these terms just too lazy to look them up now. 

So anyway you are a genetic male with female yearnings he/she wants to share with a genentic female as a wife or GF and this is (trust me) a big problem.

This problem is so universal that I've seen it thousands of time in my lifetime.  So again this is a big problem... the subject of being a mtf living and loving a genetic woman.  Women when asked independently of the possibility seem more ok with it than women faced with the actuality.  In the abstract they might think, oh it's like a gay best friend and isn't that fun.  But again for the majority, as I've seen over and over it's nothing like a gay best friend.  It's more like someone cheating with pretty ordinary looking women who is clearly not as pretty as she is. "WTF Bob, this woman has a five o clock shadow and you want to spend time with her and have even suggested some kind of bizarre 3 way ??...Nuh uh Homey don't play that... "

 The simple question is can I get support for my mtf activities from this significant other genetic woman and that answer is "sorry probably not".  Women for millenia have gone into relationships with little or nothing of their own except their femininity and now you want part of that as well.  In some cases this is their prized possesion and you (in many cases an advantaged male with a better job and more opportunities) now want some of the femmininity as well?  In many cases this really fucks with their self concept and self esteem.  This ends many relationships right then and there.  Insisting on their involvement and approval is too much and while they love you for a lot of reasons, always remamber they love you in spite of a few others.

Chapter 2 It's only a little white lie.

Maybe you like bowling and they hate it or maybe you like hunting and they hate it or maybe you love poker parties and they...well you get the idea.  But as we know many relationships survive this bowling/hunting/stupid sporting interests as she doesn't have to be involved and they aren't stealing her precious femininity.  If anything these (stupid) manly pursuits support her femininity as she is clearly living with someone who pursues  manly activities.

So I say the trick then is to turn cross dressing into a manly activity, at least in her eyes.  . Make it something you do separately and give it a code word that sounds vaguely masculine and something you can't do at home.  That way when people ask her "where's Bob?" she can say "oh he's Fly Fishing".  You don't want it to be something that produces tangible results like photography as then people will want to see the pictures.  It shouldn't be a team sport as that's too hard to cover up.  It should be something he can do alone and any time of the year.  But wait all the fishing seasons are closed?  True but he practices without a hook in order to master the technique so he's ready for the fishing season.  More than once he had to demo the missing hook to a game warden. Well be sure and invite me to dinner when he brings home trout and of course you say "oh totally catch and release".  Why is dad locked in his workshop?  He's trying to tie a very difficult fly and he needs total focus(he's actually teasing a wig). Of course he should have some prop flies and gear but avoid anyone who wants to join him in his interest.  In fact make the interest as remote as possible to prevent joiners. Or confess that he has a social anxiety issue and this solitary activity completely relaxes him and contributes mightily to his mindfulness. Also it's doctor's orders.

Pretty soon she's actually lumping this hobby into other so called masculine pursuits and can integrate this personality quirk into his other weird, but acceptable, male quirks.  I mean men are simple creatures with funny hobbies and my man has this one other extry funny hobby.  It kind of makes him more interesting but no I don't want to be involved, well maybe I'll give him these pantyhose that don't fit.

Let's say she gives you the pantyhose and you take it as a signal that she wants to get more involved.  Don't do that, just say thanks.

Chapter 3 Pursuing the hobby and just how gay am I?

Whoa, hold the phone, who said anything about being gay you're just a straight cross dresser who fancies genetic girls right?  You're also a very curious person whose curiosity led you here in the first place and curious people are always pushing the envelope...it's just what they do.   You are so intrigued by this hobby you keep advancing the state of the art and now maybe you want / need more.  But more what and why is this so confusing and should I just throw everything out and reject this silly hobby. 

Chapter 4 Purging and how I learned to love my normal boring life again.

This stuff I've surrounded myself with keeps telling me to do more so maybe the stuff is the problem, yep I'm taking it all to Goodwill or wait my cd friend Jerry who lives alone and maybe he'd like it and maybe he'd let me use it on special occasions like halloween but NO into the dumpster it goes on trash pickup day so there's no backing out.  That's it cold turkey and I'm claiming my normal life back right now and where's my god damned bowling shoes ??? Fuck bowling shoes are ugly compared to those sleek pumps but there's more to life than sexy pumps, isn't there?  You know I think I'll buy that motorcycle so I can take the express lanes and more rapidly speed towards my normal life.  And I'll be on a motorcycle so I'm still a cool guy and not too normal.

Chapter 5 It's not heroin, I can dabble without going all crazy again into cross dressing, right?

I'm home alone for a week, it's winter and can't drive the motorcycle and they just opened a Goodwill down the street.  I'm a grown ass adult and can dabble with clothing and makeup without going all ape shit full on girl crazy, right?  I also have a new camera with a remote release and I'd like to get some pictures for social media.  I'm probably not that pretty and won't be a big deal on the computer so what the hell lets take pictures.  I've always been nervous about buyin women's clothes but for some reason it's easy at Goodwill and what's really great is self service checkout for makeup and pantyhose so I don't need to get drunk to go makeup shopping like before :)   It's just some clothes with no makeup or hair, no real danger right? 

Chapter 6 Hey where'd my wife go???

Oh you asked about my wife didn't you.  You know what I think she left but I'm too busy with this ratty wig to check right now.  I think she left a week ago but let me check and opps it was 8 months ago.  She mumbled something about not listening but it wasn't too clear what she was saying.  I think I agreed with some of her points, she's a good woman and oh hey I think I'll take her to dinner tonight but opps oh that's right I forgot. (Frowny Face).  Yes she's clearly gone and your makeup is still not good enough to replace her and I mean could that even work replacing a real woman with a manufactured model? Hmmm things to do...  I'm spending a lot on clothes and things, never should have purged all that good stuff.  Work is good so I can still afford it and speaking of work, find a better non staining lipstick and when you wear eyelashes get all the glue off when you're done.  Joan at work thought she saw a worm crawling on your eyelid but, thinking quickly, I told her it was just benign eyelid cancer. 

Chapter 7 Men seem interested in me but why do they all want to borrow my clothes.

What do I care about men, I'm straight remember.  Wish I could be some woman's trans version of a gay best friend but no luck so far.  But it is a complement on my success as a girl when men notice.  I can like the technical girl affirmation without getting all freaked out right? I guess I'm starting to see what girls see in men. I mean they contribute to my success as a girl story.  They can be that really great accessory like a killer purse and heels.  A killer purse, heels and a man, now there goes a real girl I guess.

Notes from March 16th:

My personal experience: vaccination just like getting flu vaccines to avoid traumatic illness I need girl vaccine to
avoid crushing depression.
*staying dressed after a show Jacob Tabia
**After being turned down by the wife/gf who you've asked/implied to hang out as 2 gf's.
**you drop the subject and it may or may not ruin your relationship anyway. She may
innocently bring up a slightly femme subject and you jump on it too enthusiastically because
you need some attention or a little verification of that part of you. And if she really hates
this part of you, it becomes a mine field for her and this really bugs her. Some women are OK
with this chatter and even like that you're being honest and can exist at this discussion level of
your "problem". And if you're ok without pushing it into something more that you really might crave
this level of acceptance may work. *Footnote(* There's a difference here that I've noticed. The
femm discussion can revolve around the wife/gf like "do you like this dress?" and that is miles
away from that same discussion becoming "and I'll bet you'd look good in a dress like this" and
even more miles away from "why don't you try it on and we'll see how it looks". (**Some of this
acceptance might depend on how well the relationship is going otherwise. I love you Bob for so
many reasons and in spite of a couple others.

*Going underground* So many men at one of these
stages, including a stage where they never confided anything, just assume it's a deal breaker and
decide to completly hide it. Maybe as children they learned that hiding "it" was the only
workable solution and why risk it now. Once you let the genie out there may be no putting it back.
It can be such a shock not unlike hearing that you are interested in having an affair and would
that be OK ? No, oh OK well let's forget I even brought it up... As if.... So many just never
bring it up. And many of these men really need someone to talk to and talking to another cd (or
put your preferred term here) might be a solution if they could find one they trust and it if it
didn't mean they were gay and (*footnote* they might be gay or heading that way and just haven't
figured it out.** Or they might be theoretically bi and don't intent to act on it. Just because
you're pretty sure you're bi, doesn't mean you have to act on it. It's not like a driver's licence
where you have take a road test every so often. The biggest problem here is not sex it's gender
but believe me when bio guys are involved with their giant piles of crazy sex juice, sex will insinuate
itself into anything. A lot of bioguys are so turned on by their girl experiments that they
don't realize or care about gender issues. Their dick does a Jedi mind trick on them saying
"these are not the droids (gender issues) you are looking for". So for a lot of biomen it ends
here with the conclusion, it's sexy and all this stuff is just for foreplay. Whether it's fear, lack
of imagination or a body that is just too hard to hide they often never attempt to get a "passing"
grade and continue their hobby as something they need/want to hide and in many cases they
are correct in hiding it from most of the world. They are not pioneers willing to live their
"truth" if it even is their truth. None of their friends or family will like it (probably). They
aren't emotionally equipped to dump all their friends and family. People with big secrets often need
friends even more although it's hard for them not to share. And in some cases they do share
and that friend does go away. Maybe they didn't sell it well and sales people with low self
esteem usually aren't good at sales but for whatever reason that friend is gone. You liked that guy
so you reject the idea of losing more friends.

At this point you may also decide to purge because
damn it I am the master of my domain and I need friends more than this weird girly sexy thing
I do. Except is it all about the sexy part or are you truly part girl? Since you don't think you
could pass as a girl why bother trying. I mean you always wanted to be a fireman until you learned
you were afraid of fire. Part of you isn't daily pining about not being a fireman. But gender is
different and it keeps bugging you even after purging. You force it out of your concious thoughts
but now your dreams are working the problem. And you are like "shut the fuck up dreams, I'll
decide what's importent" and the dreams say "fuck you and look at yourself in this dress you saw in
a store window, yes you can't stop me from making you into a girl or at least girly all night long". I
personally expect to have gay dream experiences letting me know that hey you're just gay and isn't
that easier than this whole gender mind fuck/? Footnote ** If you have a son do you think he'd prefer
your secret to be "I was in prison" or "I have gender issues"? I always assume prison is the preferred
secret mostly because it's understandable and partially because it's more "manly". Men who get a complete
sex change and are quite passable are easy to understand because they are still mostly in the binary
world and they hide in plain sight amonst the other women of the world. But this in between gender nonsense
makes no sense to outsiders and very little sense even to the owner of this tricky setup.

You know you want it
but you don't know why and to paraphase Eddy Izzard "maybe why doesn't matter and maybe you'll never
understand why". It clearly exists as a strong force and probably has (so far) undiscovered brain structures
and genetic markers. Common among the animal world is this gender flexiblilty and famously in Jurassic Park.
In fact evolution randomly experiments with everything including gender and if evolution hits on as advantage,
it just might survive. Since so many of us have explorational and gender fluidity traits it clearly has helped
in the past. Most primitive folks have places for gender non conforming and mostly things like religeon and
more notably patriarchy have tried to stop it. This men are supreme hence we must stop all unnecessary femininity
idea is modern and it attempts to not only control woman but to literally kill any men who dare to visit
these potential enemies of men. But thousands of years before relegion and widespread patriarchy there were
humans who valued women and female traits and in some cases woman were in charge so gender fluid boys were as
acceptable as tomboy girls usually are. I mean tomboy girls are teased but not as likely to be killed for
valuing male ideals. The fact that we have a pretty acceptable word "tomboy" but no acceptable tom girl word
speaks to the problem. **Footnote when girls imatate boys it's ususally wanting to "do things, build things,
accomplish things" you know, like boys do. It's an active impersonation whereas boys may want to do the things
that girls do but it's more a state of being. I want to feel like a girl, I want to be a girl. At it's heart it
less of an activity driven and more state of being driven.... No you disagree? well wtf is your interpretation smart
guy?** Oh sorry I get a little emotional about these questions.